I always thought politeness was just, like, some sorta strange social construct. I figured, we say “bless you,” “thank you,” and “pass the salt- please” not necessarily because it is good or helpful too, but because likely some very old person (man) a long long time ago decided we must all sorta pass down these rules and instill them – the kinda rules that if you break them there is not some direct legal ramification BUTTT big time social ones. These are strange rules that vary from culture to culture but are usually regarded and held dearly by those who honor them- because he said so.

And maybe that is true, that we are polite and well-mannered because someone, somewhere along the way decided that’s the way it would be. That’s ok. I like being polite.

Or maybe, it’s something deeper. In a culture that now, more than ever before, is swarmed with faceless people, blinding screens, and flash judgements made based on numbers and followers- our manners, politeness, and small little kind acts- may be the one shred of gratitude we have holding our society together.

In a time when very few things feel special and sacred, when rules have been turned upside down a thousand times before by war or pandemic, we still respect and are thankful for the table we eat on. And we showcase this by covering our mouths when eating, keeping our elbows off the table, all that jazz. Or holding the door for others, something that still feels small but shows respect and appreciation for the bodies around you. Even a thank you, at the smallest or biggest task, is more than simply recognizing the act but moreso recognizing the humans behind the act, the social contract we all sign and uphold.

So- where does that come into play with Ai??

We all speak kinda harshly to our tech. I don’t usually say “Siri, please,” and I’m sure neither do you. I bark at my car’s voice-radio-thingy, too. But, we’re all adults, we had politeness and manners and all that stuff cemented in the crevices of our minds since we were like 3 years old.

But about literal 3 year olds now….?

In the podcast, countless items were jarring and, quite honestly, made me feel a bit ill. Now, I can truly ramble for hours upon hours upon hours about how bad Ai is for kid’s literacy, critical thinking skills, whatever- but hearing about how Ai may be affecting kids’ ideas of manners is also so scary.

A lot of how we respond to others and learn manners is based on modeling and observing. Kids watch how their grown-ups interact differently with their friends, their family, retail workers, strangers, you get it. However, that is not enough; most of the time kids need to be explicitly taught a lot about manners, which can lead to tons of thought-provoking (but sometimes grueling) questions and answers (ie: “But why do I have to hold my fork LIKE THAT??!”).

I think a large portion of how we basically get kids to “buy into” this invisible social contract is through how other adults (usually those outside of their family) react to such politeness. Ever see a group of ladies lose their actual minds over a toddler waving goodbye?? Or, a waiter compliment how well a small child is behaving at a restaurant??? Even older kids, who play on sport teams, gleam when they are recognized for their great sportsmanship?? Kids eat that UP. 

Not only does positivity like this help kids buy into manners and gratitude, experts also state that it helps them become more well-liked people and better communicators. So, these kids who buy into the whole manners thing have way more friends and are way better at explaining their needs, and getting their needs met, by the adults around them.

While this may seem minor, it is honestly pivotal for a kid’s success. Being known as the kind, polite child opens a lot of doors as a 7-year-old for you, and honestly, being known as the OPPOSITE closes a lot of doors. These kids can become isolated and earn reputations of being rude or inconsiderate. This treatment, very sadly, oftentimes only fuels that kid to be even more “rude” and “mannerless” out of spite, too.

Even if they have the kindest hearts, in our society, we unfortunately see a lack of “bless you’s” and “thank you’s” over time as a lack of gratitude.

So… Ai. We bark our orders at them. So do our kiddos. They don’t really stop and ask follow up questions, don’t stop and think how their comments made them feel (do they even understand they cannot feel???), no pleases and thank yous. I don’t really care about Alexa’s “polite mode”- manners and gratitude go beyond just a “you’re welcome”- they are a way of showing reconciliation to one’s kindness and humanity in a busy, cold world.

But sticking these kids, these total SPONGES in front of a non-human, non-grateful, non-warm robot and just HOPING they pick up of the social magic that is manners and politeness- is scary.

We dunno how far these kids will fall behind. We dunno when these skills can be picked up, and if they even would care. But, what I personally theorize, is a bit of a bleak future of these small humans.

I see a lack of caring for deciphering and following this contract, one many adults hold near and dear to their hearts. While, possibly, one day, when Gen Alpha rules the world, that will not matter much- but that is far far away.

For now, I sense, a strong divide between kids who “catch on” and kids who fall behind. All I can hope is that the adults of this world are kind to the future kids, teenagers, and young adults who do not open doors and cannot look into their eyes when speaking:/