Tag Archives: life

student blogs

Creative soft core inspo (#2)

Not gonna lie, the first quote that came to my mind is not necessarily the most encouraging or inspiring, but I remember the first time I read it, I felt so seen.

“Writing is 99% procrastination” ― Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Damn girl, same. Here I am, writing this at 1 am after like 3 naps. But, despite relating so much to it, I feel like it doesn’t show my full view of writing, why I write, or what makes me feel; so, I looked for another:

“One of the greatest rewards of making art is our ability to share it. Even if there is no audience to receive it, we build the muscle of making something and putting it out into the world.” ― Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

YES, RICK, YES! But allow me to give some context.

I do not believe we are meant to create to share it. I think we are meant to create to get something out of our system, because if it’s not outside our mind and body, it rots inside. It makes us sick. So we struggle to get a piece out. We write, and delete, and re-write, and delete everything, and start from scratch, and delete it again, and so on and so forth until we can’t stand the piece anymore.

At that moment, a decision has to be made: do I keep the piece I hate (this is just the feeling I often have after finishing my pieces, but the feeling changes person to person, and piece to piece) and deal with its existence on my own, or do I share it and make it someone else’s problem as well? At least like that, I wouldn’t have to hate it alone. I’m sure most, if not everyone, has shared a cursed Instagram reel or meme because “if I saw this, you have to too.” I do it with my cousins all the time. And though on the surface level it seems vindictive and hateful, it’s an act that looks for relatedness. To find something that connects us further, even if it is by traumabonding over cursed memes.

I think that’s why we feel the need to share what we create. To connect with others, and with ourselves too. Countless times I thanked others for sharing their words, figuratively speaking beacuse I don’t know these people. I would listen to lyrics and think, how do they know? How could someone that I have never met and know nothing about, know so much about how I feel from hundreds of thousands of miles away? Now that I’m older, I understand that we are not singularities, and I have to thank my mom for not allowing me to get tattoos at 12 years old. If she did, I would have a “music saved my life lml” tattoo across the chest. Thanks mom.

But Rick says that we share it even if there’s no audience — even if there’s no one on the other side to relate to you or your piece. Yeah, we do. And we do it for the same reason that we share an opinion when nobody asked us for one: we need to get it out of our chest.

Though an opinion can be blurted out in the span of a second without any previous thought, and a creative piece requires much attention to detail and consideration, both desire to exist in the world with the same strength. We set them free in the world to free ourselves from their weight, and instead share it with the universe’s energy, or someone.

Letting go is not easy, and at times it’s even painful, but the more we go through it, the less it hurts. Which, for some reason, makes me think of the American Sycamore we saw today. Shedding its bark because it’s too restricting. By letting go of it, the tree exposes itself, vulnerable to the world, so at the same time it can expand and cleanse itself from pests.

Nature is so creative, omg.

student blogs

Isn’t it a window into my world, my eyes?

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/3v1ipH6EVDlmnTK6tjdgvK?utm_source=generator&si=d7087184bba94856

The prompt immediately reminded me of the song above: “A brief description about myself” by El Cuarteto de Nos. Thank you, professor, for such a deep question to start us off. Now, y’all get to see me struggle as my identity spirals in this blog.

“But I’m not that complicated to try and escape, or stay here in silence. But I’m not that simple to not warn that there are no three minutes nor a hundred words that can define me” – El Cuarteto de Nos

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the window into my world is my eyes, right? If so, how much are my eyes telling for me? I wish they could take over right now and try to explain what my world is, what my eyes see, and what my perspectives are.

Forged in a delusional revolution, I am full of contradictions — pain, violence, injustice, and ignorance wrote my destiny from the moment I first opened my eyes, yet there was also so much warmth, fun, love, compassion, and kindness around me. Always confronting dichotomies, I learned the price of freedom and the effects of resistance at an early age, which killed the child in me. From there, my perspectives were shaped, and life became more serious. More grim. As if all that was left to do was to fight for survival. Everything was a matter of life or death, literally, so my defenses rose, and my trust was locked up in a box in the middle of the ocean.

America softened me, and for a few years, I reinvented myself into someone I didn’t know. Open to try new things, enjoying said things, making friends everywhere, at peace, safe, insecure, and very, very, very naïve. I thought I had already seen everything; I truly had seen a LOT by 19, but I had never been exposed to such diversity as America’s before. It kicked me in the ass, and I felt like Sting, “An alien. I’m a legal alien. I’m an Englishman in New York.” Legal or not, an alien in the end.

When the agent called Alien #310, I stood up. My new life was waiting. I didn’t have to think about pain or violence; fear didn’t control me anymore. Soon, I was going to be given the space to be whoever I wanted to be, not what I was forged/forced to be. But the years showed the full picture. Tied by the neck under the sun with the gate wide open, so they can see me try to escape without strength.

I don’t know how to define my world, my space, or my perspective anymore. I’ve lived too many different lives and still can’t find myself in the scraps they leave behind. I have memories that don’t seem mine and facts that don’t seem like they can coexist. But writing it helps me see and draw connections to finally understand myself, so if you see me crying while typing, ignore me, I’m just trying to cope.

An overthinker by nature, I find myself drowning in a sea of possibilities, realities, and dreams. Who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.

I am so thankful to be a part of this class. After four years of trying to register for it, it finally happened. I’m here, and at a moment when I needed it the most.

Thank you, prof. Z.

student blogs

blog 6

“AI-generated contradictions for environmental democracy” was quite an interesting read. Learning that these AI technologies are completely controlled, operated and very much BELOVED by corporations, who “-do not have the internal mechanisms of self-limitation,” is sadly very much unsurprising.

We see this every day in the news, just like those in power wield their money, office or status to help themselves or their buddies out- so does AI. It reminds me of the one time I spotted the mayor of my town driving into my local Acme. I saw, with horrified eyes, him not only parking in the handicap spot (as someone who is not handicapped)… but DOUBLE park in the handicap spot………. in the broad daylight. No self-limitation. If he could’ve taken up 3, 5, even 10 handicap spots I think he would’ve.

Ik this may seem silly for a sec, but hear me out. This moment I witnessed is one small part of essentially a huge, blood sucking, narcissistic power machine. This translates to those in office taking up as much space as possible for them n their besties- money and places and things they do not necessarily need whatsoever, but still hoard because it makes living life the smallesttt bit easier for them. This takes jobs away from us, the little guys, and kills our environment- with lower-income cities taking the greatest hits.

It was eye-opening to learn in this piece the manner in which they weild AI to take n take from others, including “-expand[ing] control over the activities and thoughts of citizens rather than… expand[ing] their participation in governance.”

Now, what is esp spooky about this, imo, is that the so-called double-parked mayors are not using AI to just SWAY the public’s perception of candidates, policies, whatever to get their votes…. no… they are doing so to get them to straight up NOT participate. But… someone has to vote? Right? Idk.

Either way, we can end up with a society that straight-up doesn’t care about their right to vote, and any slimy leader can slink into power… ew… OR we get a society where only the ppl billionarie slimeheads WANT to be politically literate (men, rich ppl, the elderly, ur pick) vote. Either way, yikes.

“Frames” was also so thot-provoking to watch; it reminded me a lot of Black Mirror’s “Nosedive.” However, what made it stand out as the big dog compared to “Nosedive” was the lack of dialogue in this film, which added to the eerie element.

We always hear the phrase “actions speak louder than words,” and I agree with that saying to an extent. However, when words and rhetoric and tone and sarcasm all have so many layers and layers, and such layers are comprehended differently from culture to culture- human to human- speaking and using our words to reach out to other ppl is always somehow a risk. A risk we will be misunderstood. Still, because of its authenticity and personalization to us and our unique communication styles- at least for me- it is the method of comfort n connection many fall back on most often.

But add in some AI surveillance slop, and all innuendoes, sly remarks, and subtle vocal gestures can easilyyyy be misunderstood. In a world where one is trying to build as much “Community Cohesion” as possible… the only way they really can show the cameras comfort n kindness likely is thru gestures such as straight up sending money stranger’s ways.

Ya… sorry college students hahhaha

student blogs

blog 5

I always thought politeness was just, like, some sorta strange social construct. I figured, we say “bless you,” “thank you,” and “pass the salt- please” not necessarily because it is good or helpful too, but because likely some very old person (man) a long long time ago decided we must all sorta pass down these rules and instill them – the kinda rules that if you break them there is not some direct legal ramification BUTTT big time social ones. These are strange rules that vary from culture to culture but are usually regarded and held dearly by those who honor them- because he said so.

And maybe that is true, that we are polite and well-mannered because someone, somewhere along the way decided that’s the way it would be. That’s ok. I like being polite.

Or maybe, it’s something deeper. In a culture that now, more than ever before, is swarmed with faceless people, blinding screens, and flash judgements made based on numbers and followers- our manners, politeness, and small little kind acts- may be the one shred of gratitude we have holding our society together.

In a time when very few things feel special and sacred, when rules have been turned upside down a thousand times before by war or pandemic, we still respect and are thankful for the table we eat on. And we showcase this by covering our mouths when eating, keeping our elbows off the table, all that jazz. Or holding the door for others, something that still feels small but shows respect and appreciation for the bodies around you. Even a thank you, at the smallest or biggest task, is more than simply recognizing the act but moreso recognizing the humans behind the act, the social contract we all sign and uphold.

So- where does that come into play with Ai??

We all speak kinda harshly to our tech. I don’t usually say “Siri, please,” and I’m sure neither do you. I bark at my car’s voice-radio-thingy, too. But, we’re all adults, we had politeness and manners and all that stuff cemented in the crevices of our minds since we were like 3 years old.

But about literal 3 year olds now….?

In the podcast, countless items were jarring and, quite honestly, made me feel a bit ill. Now, I can truly ramble for hours upon hours upon hours about how bad Ai is for kid’s literacy, critical thinking skills, whatever- but hearing about how Ai may be affecting kids’ ideas of manners is also so scary.

A lot of how we respond to others and learn manners is based on modeling and observing. Kids watch how their grown-ups interact differently with their friends, their family, retail workers, strangers, you get it. However, that is not enough; most of the time kids need to be explicitly taught a lot about manners, which can lead to tons of thought-provoking (but sometimes grueling) questions and answers (ie: “But why do I have to hold my fork LIKE THAT??!”).

I think a large portion of how we basically get kids to “buy into” this invisible social contract is through how other adults (usually those outside of their family) react to such politeness. Ever see a group of ladies lose their actual minds over a toddler waving goodbye?? Or, a waiter compliment how well a small child is behaving at a restaurant??? Even older kids, who play on sport teams, gleam when they are recognized for their great sportsmanship?? Kids eat that UP. 

Not only does positivity like this help kids buy into manners and gratitude, experts also state that it helps them become more well-liked people and better communicators. So, these kids who buy into the whole manners thing have way more friends and are way better at explaining their needs, and getting their needs met, by the adults around them.

While this may seem minor, it is honestly pivotal for a kid’s success. Being known as the kind, polite child opens a lot of doors as a 7-year-old for you, and honestly, being known as the OPPOSITE closes a lot of doors. These kids can become isolated and earn reputations of being rude or inconsiderate. This treatment, very sadly, oftentimes only fuels that kid to be even more “rude” and “mannerless” out of spite, too.

Even if they have the kindest hearts, in our society, we unfortunately see a lack of “bless you’s” and “thank you’s” over time as a lack of gratitude.

So… Ai. We bark our orders at them. So do our kiddos. They don’t really stop and ask follow up questions, don’t stop and think how their comments made them feel (do they even understand they cannot feel???), no pleases and thank yous. I don’t really care about Alexa’s “polite mode”- manners and gratitude go beyond just a “you’re welcome”- they are a way of showing reconciliation to one’s kindness and humanity in a busy, cold world.

But sticking these kids, these total SPONGES in front of a non-human, non-grateful, non-warm robot and just HOPING they pick up of the social magic that is manners and politeness- is scary.

We dunno how far these kids will fall behind. We dunno when these skills can be picked up, and if they even would care. But, what I personally theorize, is a bit of a bleak future of these small humans.

I see a lack of caring for deciphering and following this contract, one many adults hold near and dear to their hearts. While, possibly, one day, when Gen Alpha rules the world, that will not matter much- but that is far far away.

For now, I sense, a strong divide between kids who “catch on” and kids who fall behind. All I can hope is that the adults of this world are kind to the future kids, teenagers, and young adults who do not open doors and cannot look into their eyes when speaking:/

student blogs

blog 3

“Nick Cave says ChatGPT’s AI attempt to write Nick Cave lyrics ‘sucks’” was such an interesting read. Savage discusses how fans of the Bad Seeds’ lead singer have been sharing with him AI-crafted copycat versions of his songs? What? And their reaction was awe? What? And they were surprised he didn’t “ooo” and “ahhh” alongside him??? Again, what???

Nick Cave is quoted as describing this robo-music as quite the travesty, and a clear sign we are nearing the apocalypse. I completely agree BUT I think there is another, way nearer, and honestly way spookier travesty- that fact that people, self-proclaimed FANS of Cave and the Beed Seeds’ work- are actively seeking this out and ENJOYING this?? Lol.

To me, I feel like my own reaction to something like this as a fan could go one of 2 ways. I am a huge Fleetwood Mac fan- I listen to them Everywhere- hahaha. But, of course, they are no longer together. Yet, I have never ventured to the creepy language algorithm to spin me some kind of pseudo-music?? Why?? Am I that selfish, that hungry that I cannot savor the many morsels of fantastic music this band gave me? The music that was fueled by love, lust, hate, the 80s and 70s, drugs and California. This music is a time capsule of a very special, very personal and intimate moment in each of the artist’ minds, throats and bodies. 

If I were to do so- WHICH I WOULD NOT- and it were bad- I would feel so so silly and ridiculous for wearing the environment and our water out even more to make some doo doo. I wouldn’t be able to laugh at it or even myself, I’d probably put myself in tech-time out in the corner or something. 

The last thing I’d do would be to send it to Stevie Nicks.

OR- if I somehow deemed it “good”, or even just kinda acceptable- sending it to the artist who generated such wonderful, intense music over many weeks, months even years would be such a SLAP IN THE FACE. What did they expect them to say- like “Oh wow thanks it is so lovely to hear same kinda the song I spent months writing, learning and tweaking can be constructed by some codes in 2 seconds that makes me feel awesome.”

So, again, the last thing I’d do would be to send it to Stevie Nicks.

So despite my kinda passive aggressive rant, I don’t believe, whatsoever, that I am morally better or more intelligent that those fans who sent that bs to Nick Cave. We are all the same. I think that, since I have been involved in creating music in the past and have dabbled in the arts, I am able to put myself in the headspace of an artist more easily.

Still, most people have not had that kinda past, and for some reason have a sorta disconnect over why it would be so weird and strange to 1. Ask Chat to do such a task and 2. Send it to the artist.

The real spooky travesty is not only the fact that Ai CAN do this- but that this disconnect between what is real, beloved and human is being blurred by what is fake, artificial, and cold. 

Let’s all just listen to real, good, emotional music- pls- while we still have it.

student blogs

Rotting Away

This weeks reading regarding a deep look into Brain Rot and its affect on peoples’ cognitive functions was super fascinating. To a lot of people, Brain Rot is just a funny term you may here on the internet. Many people use it to describe others and themselves without thinking about its true meaning. The study conducted in “Demystifying the New Dilemma of Brain Rot in the Digital Era: A Review” really gave a nice overview on Brain Rot and its harmful affects on people and their cognitive functions. Now the word has a wickedly different connotation overall. I always considered brain rot to be a newer thing (something that has only really existed over the last 10 years) though in reality, it is just an expansion of a wider conversation regarding the emerging tech and people’s obsession with it. When I was younger (2012 is way further away than I want it to be) I remember a lot of talk about how parents needed to watch how their children interact with platforms like instagram, facebook, Vine (RIP) and youtube. I thought back then that it was not that deep and that social media was not even all that bad. My 13 year old brain could never have imagined how much things would change for the worst

In my own experience, I can say that I have been affected by the brain rot over the last couple of years. Things like Tic Tok and Instagram have seemingly become more staples of my daily life than I would like. The constant loop of agreeable content is nice way to waste time. Last year I found myself reading and gaming way less and being on my phone zombie scrolling more and more. The last couple of months I have gotten better at finding better things to take up my time, but I can still waste some hours scrolling away. I think the idea of content that people can consume without thinking sounds super shallow. But in reality it is something that many people get immersed with in a way. Its funny to think about this within the context of A.I. In class we talk about how people use A.I mindlessly on a day to day basis. At the same time I feel that I mindlessly use social media in the same way. I guess I am the pot pointing at the kettle.